I’m sitting on a couch by the window at my overpriced loft in downtown Toronto, my laptop’s calendar before my eyes and my mind running in full speed. The plants in my room are withering and I just realised I don’t even remember when I watered them last. I’m a few moments away from taking the next big step in my life but I’m kind of stuck in between making the decision or buying a one way ticket  to anywhere I’m admissible and just disappear, at least for a short bit of time. Do all 22-year-olds face this crisis? No? Ah, it’s probably just me and my gypsy soul, then.

But I guess we, the millennials, are all somehow lost. Aren’t we? No matter how stable you think you are, you still feel that sinking feeling in your stomach when you think of the future. It’s been almost 2 months since I landed in the land of maple syrup, 3 months since my Singapore expedition and 6 months since the last time I was in New Delhi. Funny how time flies, I swear I was just having this conversation with my best friend a few months ago about how I would love to travel to Canada and here I am, sipping a ‘Double Double’ and the Canadian lifestyle of ‘always working’ (no offence) is already rubbing off on me. 😛 6 months ago, I was in an entirely different position. All I cared about was passing my law exam so I could go on and continue seeing the world. Now, it’s different.

I look at my calendar, I see all the little black dots under the dates and I desperately cling on to the little feeling of accomplishment it gives – albeit short-lived. There’s so much on my plate yet I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I refuse to succumb to the profanity of stability. Stability is my enemy, not a lick of it is contentment. To me, stability is as good as detainment. But truth is, it’s easy. It’s boring but stability is definitely easier than spontaneous. And I’d be fooling myself if I said I didn’t want easy. So you see, it’s battlefield up there between being an adult and being just ME.

I’m on my third cup of coffee. Somehow, drinking coffee makes me feel more of an adult than I actually am. I love feeling like an adult but I’m not ready to grow up yet. I want to be a 22 year old girl forever who only has to worry about passing an exam and which country to save up for next. Unfortunately, time is running fast and it’s never going to stop moving. Not for you, not for me. Well. Anyways, this post is a piece of my mind and officially the first entry on my ‘get to know me’ tab. I feel like I started blogging to have my own space and it’s sad how I lost the touch of what it truly meant to me as soon as I got a taste of the clouds. Welcome to the actual chaos. My head. If you like it, feel free to stay. If not, well… maybe keep your fingers off this page and continue enjoying the humdrum of my travel and beauty website. If you’re wondering what I’m going to do next… I’m going to leave that to your imagination. But please, do me a favour and let it run wild!

I’d probably hit the “move to trash” button at the end of this post anyways but in case it actually made it to the blog, I guess that means I’ll be back. We’re just getting to know each other, after all. 😉

 

Love,

Mandy xx